How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
