im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
