nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
