i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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