omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You're like the curious george of whores
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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