there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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