why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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