There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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