i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
