Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
