I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
