listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
