I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
