I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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