i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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