I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
