Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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