Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
