im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
