I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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