she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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