That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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