I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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