tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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