There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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