Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
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You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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