I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
