I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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