I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
