It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
