Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
