She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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