goodnight i made you a song goodbye
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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