He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
