he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
