You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
