good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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