Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
