Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
