I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize