I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize