You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
