Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
