chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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