Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
