If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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