yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
