Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
