in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
