I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize