i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
