he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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