Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
