i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
