Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
