tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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