so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
