Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
