I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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