Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
