I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
