and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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