I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
