we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
